Striving towards knowing God more deeply and intimately doesn't mean that you and your life will be perfect. You will always have struggles. You will always mess up. You are human. In knowing God more, you'll learn more and more about how messed up you are but at the same time how deeply love and accepted you are. Live in the grace, forgiveness, and freedom of that love.
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to..." (James 4:8 ESV)
"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us..." (Ephesians 5:1, 2 ESV)
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